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Montag, 23. April 2012

Sit


I sit. And try to think of nothing at all. Wait... that's not how it works... first the Dzogchen-text:

"Thoughts in the past are clear and empty and leave no traces behind,
Thoughts in the future are fresh and unconditioned by anything,
And in the present moment, when your mind remains in it's own condition
Without constructing anything, your awareness is in itself quite ordinary"

I say the lines and every word echoes in my head. I don't really think about them, because I said them a million times already. But that's not why I'm doing it... I have to remember them during the day, during everything I do.

"There exist no phenomena, other than what arises from the mind.
Aside from the meditation that occurs, where is the one who is meditating?
There exist no phenomena, other than what arises from the mind.
Aside from the thoughts that arise, where is the one who is thinking them?
There exist no phenomena, other than what arises from the mind.
Aside from the behaviour that occurs, where is the one who is behaving?
There exist no phenomena, other than what arises from the mind."

A strange calm comes over me, my muscles relax, my thoughts are slowing down. I briefly open my eyes, then remember that this is probably not the best way to keep my concentration. I think about whether it would be more beneficial if I close my eyes or if I keep them half- open during the meditation. Suddenly I realize, that I'm thinking again and I try to listen to sounds of my environment.

My PC is humming, my neighbour hammering. I hear the sound of the wind whistling along my balcony. The air cold on my skin. I wonder about the weather. Will I catch a cold sitting by the open window? Damn it. I'm thinking again. But it's not about that at all... it's all cinema... I need to remember that... it's all a dream...

There exist no phenomena, other than what arises from the mind.
There exist no phenomena, other than what arises from the mind.
There exist no phenomena, other than what arises from the mind.
There exist no phenomena, other than what arises from the mind.

Over and over again, I consider these lines... I should challenge them, discuss them, fight them, disprove them... but I know I could never win the argument. Maybe I should disprove them, just for the sake of arguing. Just to check them for what they really are, like so many others have done before me... I did that though, for several times... but I always got stuck in my own logic...

And suddenly my mind settles.

S.M

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