Samstag, 10. November 2012

"It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways."

I'm eating breakfast at the Double Tree. Smooth jazz is playing in the background and CNN shows a newscast about legalizing same-sex marriage in several states. A beautiful waitress puts this neat, little, black leather-book on the table. I fill out the receipt and sign it - 20% tip included. I'm a nice guy. Always a nice guy. Except ... for last night....

I take out my internship journal and write about the tasks and jobs I did. To-do list on the right - new entry on the left. It's neat and clean. Just like the table next to me. A huge guy enters the room and chooses this table to enter an orgy of delicacies. CNN talks about why they fired the CIA executive (oh sorry he resigned I forgot) and the words of the news reporter mix up with the sound of the guy eating next to me. I think about last night...

How can you get jealous - not a normal lighthearted kind of jealous, but a huge maaaaadening rage of jealousy - how can you feel like that towards someone that you don't even know? I was asleep and in my dreams a beautiful woman cheated on me. And in this dream I did a bunch of really bad stuff to the cheater. I was creative, it wasn't even impulsive, I literally took my time.

I would never do that in real life.... it wouldn't even occur to me. But I wake up and there's this strange echo in the air. It's way too subtle for anyone to hear. It follows me around for a little while until it fades away completely and I wonder if it was even really there from the very beginning.


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